Rosie: What on earth are you doing?
Mitch: I’m doing my P90X workout routine. It’s an intense, 90-day home fitness program. Don’t you watch TV at five o’clock in the morning? There’s nothing but ads for home fitness programs. This is one of them. I’m on day 45, with 45 days to go.
Rosie: I’m happy for you, but if you really want to get fit, why don’t you try getting eight hours of sleep?
Mitch: I can function just fine on five hours. Watch, I’m going to do a one-armed handstand at the wall.
Rosie: Fascinating.
Mitch: Whew! Now I need my ‘recovery drink.’ (pours an orange-flavored dietary supplement)
Rosie: I thought beer was your recovery drink?
Mitch: Beer is not as important to me as it once was.
Rosie: (chokes over her water bowl, blows water out of her nose)
Mitch: That’s real nice.
Rosie: (sputtering) Did you say beer was no longer important to you?
Mitch: I’ve cut back on my beer drinking, in order to get fit.
Rosie: But you said beer was the elixir of life!
Mitch: Was I drinking beer when I said that?
Rosie: Copiously!
Mitch: Don’t believe anything I say when I’m drinking.
Rosie: That wipes out nearly every conversation we’ve ever had!
Mitch: Sorry, but I’m on a fitness kick. I’m eating raw kale, drinking protein shakes and working out. Look at this dumbbell.
Rosie: I’m looking.
Mitch: Down here, on the floor!
Rosie: Hey, there’s another one.
Mitch: Look, I’m about to turn 57, and I’m doing this as a birthday present to–.
Rosie: To your ego?
Mitch: To myself! My dad had his first heart attack at 61! I’ll be 60 in three years! I’ve got to do something now!
Rosie: Try using fewer exclamation points. It’ll lower your blood pressure.
Mitch: Fine. Don’t support me. I’ll die young–
Rosie: Too late.
Mitch: –and you can go back and live with your former owner.
Rosie: Maybe I’ll die young, and you can go back and live with your former owner.
Mitch: If you’re referring to my ex-, that’s a terrible analogy.
Rosie: Oh, is it?
Mitch: You’ll be eating your words when I get through this program.
Rosie: Better that, than raw kale. (to be continued, in 45 days)
