Who Can Turn the World on with Her Smile…?

(Note: This is an excerpt from a news story which appeared in USA Today on Monday, Oct. 15)

“Our Companions, an animal rescue orgainzation, is opening a new kind of animal shelter where dogs and cats won’t be crated or caged unless absolutely necessary…the completed facility will have 16 rescue cottages…each cottage will be home to 25 cats and five dogs…the first cottage is open, with three dogs downstairs, and six cats upstairs.”

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Rosie: I want my own apartment.

Mitch: (chokes on his beer, blows it out of his nose)

Rosie: No matter how many times you do that, it’s still funny.

Mitch: (wiping his shirt) I’m glad you think so. You want your own apartment? Why? What’s wrong with living here?

Rosie: Don’t you understand? I need to get out in the world–to prove myself in the big city–I need to be free and independent.

Mitch: You mean like Marlo Thomas, in ‘That Girl?’

Rosie: Or like Mary Tyler Moore, in her eponymously named show.

Mitch: (thinking) Eponymously named?

Rosie: I can see it now…

(Cue ‘Fantasy Sequence’)

(Opening credits of ‘The Mary Tyler Moore Show’, with Rosie in place of Mary)

Who can turn the world on, with her bark? 

Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it into a lark?

Well it’s you, dog, and you should know it,

With each growl, and every little tail wag, you show it,

Cats are all around, why don’t you chase ’em?

Troubles still abound, but you can face ’em,

You’re gonna make it after all!

You’re gonna make it after all!

(Rosie, on a street in downtown Minneapolis, throws her cap in the air)

(End ‘Fantasy Sequence’)

Rosie: Well, that was weird.

Mitch: Yeah. No more fantasy sequences.

Rosie: So I’ve got a place picked out. It was in the newpaper. (Drops the USA Today in Mitch’s lap)

Mitch: (looks over the article) Cottages? Cats living upstairs? Wait a minute…this is no apartment building, it’s an animal shelter.

Rosie: So?

Mitch: When animal shelters get too crowded, they sometimes have to kill some of the residents.

Rosie: Don’t people do that, too?

Mitch: They kill each other, but not for population control!

Rosie: Same, same.

Mitch: It’s not same, same! And no, you can’t move out and live in a dog apartment.

Rosie: If you don’t let me move…

Mitch: What? You’ll throw a tantrum? Tough.

Rosie: I’ll bite you while you’re sleeping.

Mitch: (puts down the newspaper) I’ll help you pack.

(to be continued)