(This is the last of the reprinted posts that I’ll be running, here at the Dog Blog. Starting next week, I’ll return to writing new posts. But for now, please enjoy one of my favorites, from Dec. 28, 2009)
Rosie: Can I read you something?
Mitch: Shoot.
Rosie: I’m writing a letter to PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I want to get your thoughts.
Mitch: Go ahead.
Rosie: (ahem) “Dear Peta. How are you? I am fine.”
Mitch: Stop.
Rosie: What?
Mitch: That’s not how you start a business letter.
Rosie: It’s not a business letter, it’s a friendly correspondence.
Mitch: I hear you, but that’s how you start a letter to a friend you met at summer camp. It’s not appropriate when you’re writing to a professional organization. We can fix that. Keep going.
Rosie: (ahem)” Thank you for helping to raise awareness about animal abuse. I’ll bet you get contributions quicker than you can skin a cat.”
Mitch: Stop.
Rosie: What?
Mitch: ‘Quicker than you can skin a cat?’ You’re writing to an organization that prevents cruelty to animals.
Rosie: It’s a cat! And anyway, you wouldn’t skin it until it was dead.
Mitch: I’m not gonna win this one. Okay, go on.
Rosie: (ahem) “Since you are interested in hearing about animal cruelty, I want to point out a particular case of cruelty happening right in my own home.”
Mitch: Stop.
Rosie: What?
Mitch: What are you talking about?
Rosie: I haven’t been out to play at the Dogstar Ranch in two days.
Mitch: Have you looked outside?
Rosie: There’s a little snow. It doesn’t stop you from going out for beer.
Mitch: Point taken. But we’re not going to Dogstar.
Rosie: May I continue?
Mitch: Read on, not that it matters.
Rosie: So I’ll skip the cruelty part…(ahem) “I love the good work you do, and Mitch sure loves your, ‘I’d rather go naked than wear fur’ campaign.”
Rosie: Now what? You know you like those ads.
Mitch: They’re compelling ads. But remember, I used to work in advertising.
Rosie: So when you’re drooling over those ads, it’s not creepy, it’s…?
Mitch: Professional curiosity. I’m studying the copy, the layout–
Rosie: Stop.
Mitch: What?
Rosie: The B.S. is getting a little deep in here, that’s all.
Mitch: Read your letter.
Rosie: So in the future, if you need a dog to stand as a model for all abused and neglected animals everywhere–
Mitch: Stop.
Rosie: What?
Mitch: You can’t present yourself as an abused and neglected animal if you aren’t one. It’s false advertising.
Rosie: Do you think those people in the ‘Ab Rocker’ ads, got those abs by using the Ab Rocker?
Mitch: That’s creative license.
Rosie: So is this.
Mitch: Fine. Are you done?
Rosie: (tosses the letter aside) Yeah. Sure. Done.
Mitch: Put it by the door and I’ll mail it when I go out for beer.
Rosie: (muttering) I’ll tell you where I ‘d like to put it.
Mitch: Stop. ##